It took awhile.....but I found "IT"

So what is wrong with me?

What do I keep looking for?

I have so much right in this moment.......

5 children.....my blessings runneth over. Soft cheeks to kiss, warm little hands to pat my back, streams of jokes, funny little songs lilted over sketches, inventions readied for patents daily.


Adoring Husband....one in a million. Offers to make dinner, gives me nights out--or just to soak in the tub, compliments me on cooking (even when it burns) to hair style (that doesn't look trendy) to sense of humor (only half as amusing as his), takes the childrens' hands and upholds me, their Mama, in prayer before the Creator of the Universe..... then holds me close as I drift off to sleep.


Days filled with learning.....endless exploration adventures. Today: travelled with Paddle to the Sea to Montreal, witnessed the ushering in of democracy at the hand of Cleisthenes, rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem with Nehemiah, examined the geology of Great Britian, marvelled at the frescoes of Giotto, read scenes from Shakespeare's Much Ado about Nothing, and survived a shipwreck with Swiss Family Robinson. Not to mention studying direct objects, improper fractions, 3/4 music time, and the poetry of Kipling.


New life stirring withing.....ultrasound pictures laying beside my bed....just to remind me.

So what else do I want? How else could I possibly want to spend the gift of time?

Why do I feel so restless? So...dare I say....empty? What am I looking for?


I am not finding it on the welltrainedmind message boards.....nor in my email inbox. I tried to find it by picking up Charlotte Mason's Philosophy of Education.....when it wasn't there, I looked in Foster's classic, "Celebration of Disciplines".....then I gave up and went to read another book, "Understood Betsy" outloud to the kids. But Josh fell asleep, Cale was lost in making candles, Hope and Levi were discussing how to build a block tower and Kai wanted a bottle. Nope, didn't find it there.


What am I missing? I follow my flylady routines and the house is a welcoming home to curl up in. I spend daily time quietly with the Lord and we talk, He and I, endlessly throughout the day. (He and I have already had this conversation) The children and I are enjoying days of pleasant productivity and peace.


Everything is so good. I have blessings innumberable.

But I can't hush this restlessness. This grating sense that I need something new, some change of pace, some change of scenery, ........some change in me.

Ahhh....The elusive "It" has settled on me, soft and embracing. I have found "It"--or, more accurately, "It" has found me:

Contentment.

In all things. In the normal. In the everyday. In the routine. In the rhythm of family. In the "mundane".

In the now.

"Wherever you are, be all there." ~Jim Elliot

Lord, how can I ask You to forgive me? What could I possibly be looking for when I already have You? Help me to really BE all HERE....to really feel the warm sudsy water when I scrub the pots, to really see into Cale's eyes when he is explaining to me how he is going to construct his 9' by 9' log cabin with attic window gables, to really feel the softness of Hope's hair when she lies against me, reading R.L. Stevenson poems.....to BE ALL HERE......contented and at peace. Right where You have perfectly placed me. Forgive me for wanting to be anywhere else.