Gestation Days

I don't remember how many times stainless needles poked about her blue veins in attempt to drain in another IV bag. You lose count in a storm of hyperemesis gravidarum that pounds relentlessly, leaving one limp and hanging over a toilet bowl. The days, weeks, months of wooziness, churning smells, swirling green nausea, it all eroded away at joy.

But when a whisper of fingers wrapped close yesterday....

"Wasn't that worth every single day of it?" The words are soft. No one speaks loud on holy ground. I search my sister's eyes.

She smiles, looks down into those gleaming black jewels just opening.

"Entirely." She strokes that heaven-fresh cheek. "If you only knew... had a window ahead to see... then you'd know for all those days where you just want to give up. It is more than worth it."

A stretching yawn captivates. Smitten, we laugh.

"It's like heaven, isn't it?" I watch Little Ana sigh, purse her lip, bubble. "If we just had a window ahead... We'd know these hard days are worth it."

Quiet settles and we let it, eyes only for this miracle bundled. I smell her whisp of black hair, kiss her forehead.

And then... after a bit, the realization comes slowly.

"You know....," my eyes don't leave that flawless face. "We did know. We had a window ahead of why it was worth it: her three sisters."

My sister sadly nods. "True."

And through the twilight home, I can only speculate about all the windows ahead He opens, faintest glimpses of heaven's glory, that I miss, ignore.

Today I pray to wake. To wake to this endless stream of assurances He gives.

For all around He writes that heaven's coming wonder will be worth these long gestation days.

Lord, wake me to the windows of the soon-to-be that open into now. Let us bask in the rays of light, warmth to carry us through the weariness of gestation. Oh, the delivery coming!

Photo: Ana and I meeting